This is my first post here and it has to do with an experience that I remember as “first” too.
I must have been about 2 years old. My grandfather on my step-father’s side was taking care of me that day. I was in his apartment and I remember waking up in a dark room in the middle of the day. There was a big bed with rough looking brown wodden posts. There was an open window and a sun beam had made its way into the room. My attention was atracted by the miriads of tiny dust particles that were dancind in this ray of light. I got up and got close to the ray. I observed the particles swirling in the light. I looked at them from maybe 10 inches away. I could not see them outside of the light. No matter how carefully I followed one single particle I could not trace it outside of the boundaries of the sun beam.
It occured to me that the particles do not exist outside of the light. This could be the ending of this story but it’s not. I also noticed that inside the light the particles did not fall down as I expected them to. They’d endlessly move up and down, swirling, moving in a circular way and many new ones appearing from all directions. There was a melody in all that too.
In later years I’d remember the shape of the sun beam when I needed to visualize a cylinder or a cone. It felt tangible and perfectly straight.
Now we step out of that experience and find ourselves in the same room but at another time. My step-grandmother is arguing loudly with my step-grandfather. It’s about something I had said. Something a 2 year old apparently should not even know. She is saying”It’s because of you!”” and he is saying “No! It was the students from the 6-th floor! They run down the stairs all day cussing loudly! That’s where Niki has learned to cuss! Not from me!!!”
I tried to remember saying something special that made my grandparents upset but I couldn’t. I suppose when you are a little innocent child nothing dirty stays inside you.
Ah yes! They tell me that after the cussing incident I didn’t utter another word for a year. So for the record – the second line that I ever said in my life was a dirty old man profanity.
The first line was “I want. Tomato soup I want.” Apparently I process a lot and then talk because as you see I didn’t start talking with single words. Maybe if you stand really close to me you an hear me processing things. Don’t be bashful – come closer..