Versions of Reality

Only by creating versions of reality we are able to exist as more or less organized beings.

That’s the price for having a mind that is capable of abstract thought and meta observation of reality.

And the price for being part of a more developed society.


I am Great


“I am great
Because they throw me in the ground
Six months I lay buried and endure
Then they harvest me and cut my tops
when the sickle cuts and dices me I still endure
They take me to the mill and grind me between the stones
Knead me, mix me with water, and bake me in fire and I still endure…”

защото като ме хвърлят в земята,
шест месеца лежа зарит и трая.
Сетне ме жънат и върхат.
Като пуснат диканята да ме реже и ситни, пак трая.
Носят ме на воденица и ме мелят между камъните.
Месят мe, с вода ме бъркат, на огън ме пекат и пак трая … ”

— Йоанна Нинова „ Мястото на хляба в културата на
традиционното/ предмодерното общество в България”,



In today’s world there is no shame. “Shame” is a word from the past.

Many other such words still exist but today they do not mean anything any more. Just because a word exists in a language does not mean that what it describes actually exists. A funny thought if you think of “unicorns” and “Sponge Bob”. But a horrible thought if you think of words like “shame”, “caring”, “faith”, and yes – “love”.

It is hard to accept that but that is how it is.

The problem today is that the world we know today was built at least in part with values that we do not have any more. Meaning that the future is completely unknown.

One big part of the problem is the super fast technology development. We simply do not know how to handle it. Nobody can deny that technology is not elevating our enjoyment of life as much as we believe it is. In fact it is doing more harm then good. A paradox but we need to face it.

Because of the loss of values and fast technology development about 5 years ago we stepped further from Nature in such a way that the future is not only uncertain but also will certainly be painful for much more people than any point of history.

That’s the reality today.

An off key note of insanity


Yeah, done that. 6 days a week 3 hours a day. Push the gym door, walk in and all sounds went muffled. The way to screw yourself without anybody else’s help.

It was a religious fucking experience – to know that I can just step up to the bar and lift it. Nothing in my head. Nothing existed. I saw no people, no sounds, no movement. Just me and the weights. Absolute bliss. So I did it for hours.

Got up to 296 body weight. Fucking 7-9000 calories a day added 50 lbs in 3 months and keep you going to the gym every day. 8 cans of tuna for breakfast and so on. Stuff my face every 2 hours.  And protein shakes in-between.  I could not tie my shoes – I was always so full. A real beast…

I woke up one fresh Saturday morning and my first thought was “I’m doing it today.”. Very calm and peaceful thought. To commit suicide. Half an hour before my next 3 hour bliss in the gym. How gymrat poetic..

If you are so dumb to let yourself go down like that you deserve it. And no, there won’t be any great progress from that – just mediocre results that seem great in your head. Who the fuck cares that I did 90 lb. dumbel flies stretching almost to the fucking floor for 60 reps? And about 120 sets of all kinds of exercises every day. Not a fucking soul. And for a good reason. It means fucking nothing.

So good luck with internet fucktard quotes slapped on the background of a pimply roid back.