The childhood and the lake


I grew up right there – if the camera had moved a bit to the right you’d see the apartment building where we lived. So I remember the lake from every angle and of course – the restaurant. The paddle wheels, the swans for the kids, the boats…

But everything in life comes and goes.

Always, absolutely always, our problem is that we do not know when something starts and something ends. Often something is long gone from our life or from its own existence, but it appears that it is still with us. What really happens is more complicated and not the point of this writing – things actually exist the way we know them only in our heads.

The lake was gone many years ago – I’d say in the early 1990’s – when one night the gypsies cut down to the ankles the bronze statue of the young man holding a spear. In the morning I walked by, stopped, looked at that horror and finally my desire to leave the hell called “Bulgaria” fully formed inside me. Eventually that happened too. The sculpture that I had walked in front of since I remembered myself was now reduced to two tiny ankles cut off from the body. Hollow inside and very quiet. Well, you understand my feelings.

But it takes long years to understand that things just change and are never that which you remember or hope them to be one day – there is no hell and there is no paradise.

So yes, the area had a period when it was absolutely wonderful. It just so happened that a big part of my childhood took place there. That is something simply beautiful and I’m grateful that it happened that way. The entire area has all the potential to look very beautiful – with the proper maintenance. I can not say that for other parts of Sofia where I’ve lived. And I’d add – parts of America included – because here things have a tendency to be well maintained and somehow feel especially empty.

Отраснах точно там – ако фотоапарата леко беше мръднал надясно щеше да се вижда блока в който живеехме. Така че помня езерото от всеки ъгъл и разбира се – ресторанта. Водните колела, лебедите за децата, лодките…

Но всичко в живота идва и си отива.

Винаги, абсолютно винаги, нашия проблем е че не знаем кога нещо започва и кога си отива. Много често нещо отдавна си е отишло от живота или от съществуването си, но на нас ни изглежда че още го има.

Езерото си отиде преди много години – бих казал през ранните 90 – когато циганите една нощ отрязаха до глезените бронзовото момче с копието и оставиха само стъпалата му на пиедестала. На сутринта минах, спрях, гледах тоя ужас и окончателно ме обзе желание да се махна от тоя ад “България”. Така и стана в крайна сметка. Скулптурата пред която съм минавал откакто се помня сега беше два прерязани малки глезена. Кухи отвътре и много тихи. Е, разбирате ме.

Но отнема дълги години да озъзнаеш как нещата просто се променят и никога не са това което помниш или се надяваш някога да са – няма ад и няма рай.

Така че да, района имаше период когато беше прекрасен. Така е станало че там е било детството ми. Това е нещо просто прекрасно и съм благодарен че ми се е случило. А, иначе, целия район, не само около езертото, има всички предпоставки да изглежда прекрасно – ако има подходяща поддръжка. Не мога да кажа това за други части на София в които съм живял. Пък бих добавил – и Америка – защото тук нещата имат тенденцията да изглеждат поддръжани и някакси особено празни.

Versions of Reality

Only by creating versions of reality we are able to exist as more or less organized beings.

That’s the price for having a mind that is capable of abstract thought and meta observation of reality.

And the price for being part of a more developed society.


I am Great


“I am great
Because they throw me in the ground
Six months I lay buried and endure
Then they harvest me and cut my tops
when the sickle cuts and dices me I still endure
They take me to the mill and grind me between the stones
Knead me, mix me with water, and bake me in fire and I still endure…”

защото като ме хвърлят в земята,
шест месеца лежа зарит и трая.
Сетне ме жънат и върхат.
Като пуснат диканята да ме реже и ситни, пак трая.
Носят ме на воденица и ме мелят между камъните.
Месят мe, с вода ме бъркат, на огън ме пекат и пак трая … ”

— Йоанна Нинова „ Мястото на хляба в културата на
традиционното/ предмодерното общество в България”,



In today’s world there is no shame. “Shame” is a word from the past.

Many other such words still exist but today they do not mean anything any more. Just because a word exists in a language does not mean that what it describes actually exists. A funny thought if you think of “unicorns” and “Sponge Bob”. But a horrible thought if you think of words like “shame”, “caring”, “faith”, and yes – “love”.

It is hard to accept that but that is how it is.

The problem today is that the world we know today was built at least in part with values that we do not have any more. Meaning that the future is completely unknown.

One big part of the problem is the super fast technology development. We simply do not know how to handle it. Nobody can deny that technology is not elevating our enjoyment of life as much as we believe it is. In fact it is doing more harm then good. A paradox but we need to face it.

Because of the loss of values and fast technology development about 5 years ago we stepped further from Nature in such a way that the future is not only uncertain but also will certainly be painful for much more people than any point of history.

That’s the reality today.